Once I was pushed under the water during a family vacation by a rogue wave. For a moment as I lay pinned underwater, disoriented and losing breath, there was a clarity of mind to match the clarity of the tropical sea. I was alone. My family, so full of oblivious joy, only meters from my body, had no idea that I was drowning. Eventually I managed to escape. But that feeling of utter loneliness, surrounded by alien beauty, never left me – nor did the voice inside my head that whispered, “If it’s time to die, what choice do you have but to let go?”